Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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