Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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