waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
