I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize