Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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