i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
