Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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