So drunk, too bad you don't want this
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
