Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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