I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
