If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
