Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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