I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
