Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
