I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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