But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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