don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
