I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
