nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
