Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
