dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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