new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
