just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
