thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
