There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
ttyl tear gas
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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