I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
