I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
