so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
