You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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