Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
