hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
