i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
