Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
