Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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