We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize