He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
my god I love twenty year old dicks
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
