u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
