dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
