youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
