he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
be right there i have to get my cape
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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