I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
