The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
