The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
