It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it glows. i had to have it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
