you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
