Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
