I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
