it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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