I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
