my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
