can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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