We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
