I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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