im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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