Welp...herpes.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
