After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
