where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
