OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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