I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Actions speak louder than pants.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
