I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
North Korea, Best Korea!
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
