I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
