Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
