So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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