My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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