I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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