she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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