You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
