Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
