I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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