yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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