Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
