pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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