who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So vagazzling was a success
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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