would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
