Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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