So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
