I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
