Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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