eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She's the barista slut.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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