Cold hands, warm shart.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
