shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder meâ€
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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