i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize