Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
