so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
