I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
