Have you finally orgasmed yet?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
