discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
