She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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