i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
