you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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