i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
