he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My vagina just clenched in fear
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
