She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
His nipple licking is glorious
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