everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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