i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
