I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Barsexuality is the new black.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
