you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
