How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
