They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
