May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
