So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
