if i can run in heels then i can drive
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
