im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize