No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
