I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
